#I DONT KNOW. ITS JUST. IT WAS CERTAINLY A CHOICE YKNOW.

[lavellane]

can i say something. can i be mean.

they did not need to hire matt fucking mercer to play manfred lol

[dykedvonte]

I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.

I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.

It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.

There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.

[ursawood]

elden ring dlc final boss spoilers

feel like im going fucking nuts because i like... dont really mind the final boss' lore? the fight is completely busted mechanically and i really did not want to fight radahn ever again, but i really dont get most of the complaints about the story itself.

im honestly surprised at how many people earnestly think they shouldve brought godwyn back as lord consort instead which. im gonna be real. i think thats really fucking stupid LOL. the base game tells you over and over that he is the deadest guy who has ever died. he has a whole questline and ending. his story is over. ive seen a lot of people say that radahn being revived somehow retcons or ignores the stuff in the base game about miquella attempting to revive godwyn, but in my eyes castle sol tells the complete story on its own. miquella didnt want to bring godwyn back to life, he wanted him to die a true death. if anything, he probably would have opted to use godwyn's body instead of mohg's if he hadnt given up.

the argument that radahn wouldn't have made the vow in the first place falls flat to me too. he adores godfrey, why wouldn't he want to become a powerful lord when miquella ascends to godhood? he went back on the vow, but we know miquella influences people's wills so it doesn't seem contradictory that he ends up as lord consort anyway imo

there's stuff linking miquella and radahn in the base game, even if we aren't told explicitly that they were close. sellia, where radahn grew up, is full of miquella's lillies. ordina, a town ostensibly built by miquella for his followers, has architecture identical to sellia. its not super explicit, and you wouldn't be able to come to the conclusion that radahn is fated to be miquella's consort from that, but people have accepted that melina is a daughter of marika based on even less. (or that shes the GEQ or whatever the fuck lol) and, yknow, the whole issue of malenia's crusade against radahn that was never fully explained until now

yeah miquella's plan undermines radahn's honorable death, but i think thats intentional. miquella is selfish. he's a child, he doesnt understand how his actions impact others, and he thinks the potential good outweighs whatever harm he causes. its fucked up by design.

my biggest issue with it is just how hard it sidelines malenia. the crusade wasn't her choice, she marched to caelid solely to deliver a threat on miquella's behalf, gravely injured herself in the process, and now she can't do anything except wait for him to get back. her lack of agency kind of fucking sucks.

anyway. it really annoys me when people act like godwyn was the intended final boss all along and fromsoft just rewrote everything 2 days before launch "to subvert expectations/for fan service". plenty of shit in the dlc feels rushed but this genuinely does feel like they were setting up for radahn the entire time, at least to me. it certainly was never gonna be godwyn lol

[crazylittlejester]

Hi Jesse, uhm that post you made about not getting textbooks in time? Yeah, and the tags? Please don't. I know it was probably a joke but please understand that the world isn't against you and there will be ups and there will be downs but in the end it will be okay. /gen

You will pull through. Stay safe, have fun :)

i did not make it super super clear that the bad life choice i was referring to in the tags was dropping out of college because it’s getting to be too expensive and too annoying, i was half awake its the middle of the night for me 😭 and that’s entirely on me i’m sorry for worryin’ you anon. i also forgot to throw the /j on the end but it was absolutely a joke and it was in reference to me dropping out. which i’m not doing, i was just annoyed. and if i WAS gonna kms for real i certainly would not come on here and say anything about it, not that I’m going to be doing that, to be so so clear. i will NOT be doin’ that. but if i was i wouldn’t be posting about it so it is ALWAYS a joke, but i should be better about always putting tone tags and also clarifying what it is specifically i’m joking about because that’s always helpful too 😭. sometimes i forget that i can tag a post with just my rant tag and people other than my fiancee will end up seeing it because i dont realize how many of you there ARE who see me screaming into the void- which is not an excuse. i just need to use tone tags for, yknow, what they were made for so i don’t accidentally worry anyone else

but tl;dr, the joke was about dropping out of college, which WAS a joke and not something i will be doing. i’m alright (mentally for now at least), and thank you for your concern, it was genuinely really sweet to come from a complete stranger. but i AM fine so don’t worry about that and sorry if this was incoherent it’s very very late

[finedinereception]

Why is Sirius on your brain SO much?

Explain in Mario terms

make my brain go -flag pole noise-

haha okay but actually here we go. this is disorganized and more me vomiting my thoughts out and making you look at him but yknow.

the black hole server: the most soul sucking and messed up place to live since america

thanks for the insightful commentary, buddy

so sirius lives the life of the average True Gamer, in a dark hole full of anime figurines and merchandise or whatever. he likes adding to that collection and then fucking around with it because bloodsport really never died to him. who cares what ign had to say.

unfortunately, like all gamers, his home is not hospitable to most life.

weaker em beings apparently “enervate and die” within the server. thats delightfully fucked up, and honestly, a vast empty, dark, cold space that sucks the life out of pretty much everything around it and is only truly habitable to one lifeform is an insanely cool idea that i always love.

uh…. roche limit????

obviously, with such an unfriendly gamer den, sirius himself does not get a lot of company.

we’ll come back to this next section.

but basically the black hole server is a really cool idea and location that really serves to emphasize what an outside-context issue sirius is. he feels very “other” in this world, in part thanks to where hes made his home.

with friends like these, who needs mega man?

sirius has some… interesting ideas about what is good and reasonable for people. or what constitutes a healthy platonic relationship. actually just relationships in general.

i think its interesting he jumped straight to this with mega man, when he also harbored apollo flame, who was pretty damn open about his intentions to eventually usurp and subjugate sirius

WHICH SIRIUS WAS AWARE OF BTW

apollo flame! oh, you, always on about taking over the universe!

this is weird to say, with what we know about sirius in general and his personality (which we’ll be getting to soon) but… theres this pervasive sense that he views the Rs as a mix between pawns and, like, his perverse version of “friends”

the use of “our” here is interesting, along with the implication that sirius shares more information with them than he actually needs to

and the fact that sirius has the tendency to start talking to himself in the middle of a conversation…

and the fact that he enforces a friendly relationship between those who dont get along…

theres just a weird sense of sirius “playing” with dynamics, and while its certainly useful to him, its easy to imagine a hint of curiousity in there. the exploration of one of the only things that cant be taken by force.

of course you have blue skin and pronouns

look at him. look at him. hes based on a squid. hes got that squid drip. i think sirius would be into deep sea life. im choosing to view this as an in-character choice. he likes squid now, okay?

also. he canonically sparkles. LOOK AT HIM. LOOK AT THIS SPARKLING SQUID TWINK. GOD. HE MAKES ME INSANE.

i also dont know where else to mention this, but hey what was up with mu metal. is he tied to mu. what was that about lmao. bro got pica.

he has 97 mental illnesses and is banned from most public spaces

he is so fucking stupid😭

the main, and final, thing i want to bring up is his extreme case of blue and orange morality. because being rude is worse than destroying a planet to him.

from here on out ill be using direct quotes since i actually have access to these and writing and ive hit image limit. what can i say theres so much i want you to look at.

Sirius: ... I don't need that rude EM being for my collection. 

and

Sirius: I was hoping to enjoy watching everyone on the planet panic for a bit... But I suppose destroying it outright would be fun too. 

back to back is an interesting display of standards. but id go further and argue that… sirius doesnt really act with malice.

MegaMan: Peoples lives... Planets... They aren't toys for you to play with. Have you even considered the pain you are putting all those people down there though? Sirius: Everything here will cease to exist. A black hole has no need for such things as emotions. You should... be happy. You will live forever within the darkness. You will be mine. MegaMan: I wouldn't call that living! I'd rather not exist! Sirius: ...I see. Do you think that you might change your mind? Stopping you without causing you any injury would be a bit of a nuisance to me. It will be hard for us to play together with you injured.

and you could argue that this is an attempt at persuasion… except that sirius doesnt really need that. hes pretty confident in his ability to win a fight, so id argue this is genuinely just how he thinks. his fascination with destroying things is processed not with malicious intent but the same perverse curiosity that drives a child to pour water on an ant hill.

mean spirited? yeah, but its all in good fun to him.

hes the living version of all those jokes about a person who never talks to other people or goes outside or anything. hes had his own little bubble to develop the most deranged moral compass and interal narrative of all time.

tl;dr - ITS HARD TO NOT THINK ABOUT HIM A LOT

[sluckythewizard]

EVERYONE GGET BAAACK IM ABT TO RAMBLE ABOUT FINN TIDESTRIDER. SPOILERS FOR EEVERYTHINGGGG ALL UP TO EP 113 YOU GOTTA RUN!! YOU GOTTA RUN AWAYYYY!!!!

ITS FASCINATING to speak to someone who has lived 80 years. almost every conversation involves me asking about a story of theirs, places theyve been, things theyve done. i feel like ive seen so much in only 20 something years of life, imagine that 4 times over?

all those stories, to have each and every one of them written down i feel like would be a beautiful thing. record keeping, storing that experience in an edible form, preserved for the future generations to study and cherish. imagine how many stories could be collected from not just 80 years of life, but 200? maybe more? imagine?

i LOVE characters that live to observe and document, keeping all their findings and knowledge and memories in tomes and records. i have several ocs that are functionally immortal, owning vast libraries holding all the knowledge of their lives. one of them is a man losing his memory, who has all his most vital memories tattooed onto his arms, so he will never forget what matters. FINN TIDESTRIDER. A MAGICIAN? WIZARD? SCIENTIST MAYBE. RESEARCHER ABSOLUTELY. CHRONICLER. LIBRARIAN. I HAD NO REAL STRUCTURE IN MIND FOR THIS POST. WHICH IS WHY ITLL SHOCK YA WHEN I BRING UP:

SEXUAL REPRESSION UNDER A CORRUPT RELIGIOUS ORGANIZATION. MORMONISM AND SOME OTHER JESUS CENTERED RELIGIONS WILL TELL YOU THAT YOUR BODY IS A SACRED THING. MASTURBATION IS EVIL, IT CORRUPTS YOUR BODY, WHICH SHOULD BE SAVED FOR MARRIAGE. CELIBACY PRESERVES YOUR BODY, FOR YOUR ONE AND ONLY LIFE PARTNER. SEX IS NOT AN ACTIVITY, IT IS SACRED, RESERVED ONLY FOR PROCREATION.

i dont know if the undersea is Perfectly comparable to religions like that, but it is certainly a culture that upholds a very 'the elders are always right and must be followed'. polygamy is punishable by death, releasing spawn is a natural step after marriage, etc etc, i wouldnt be surprised to find that the undersea has a crazy Purity Culture thing going on. to live your whole long life down there, where so much is forbidden, and finally breaking into the surface world to explore the unknown, who knew your own body would be part of that 'unknown'?

in that episode, in the uh. Book. he says 'his first man was a (shiphand)' or whatever idk i dont feel like relistening. but HIS FIRST MAN!! ur telling me Finn Sexguy Tidestrider wasnt banging dudes down in the undersea?? maybe hes just talkin about his first Human but whateeverrrr. is homophobia a thing in the undersea?? i guess itll be a while before we know.

EITHER WAY. to break free from an oppressive climate and finally having the chance to be sexually free. to finally be familiar with your own body and the bodies of others, to LEARN so much about what makes you and others tick, to experience a unique form of intimacy with another. while having sex is not a VITAL experience, to have the freedom and choice to explore that IS SO IMPORTANT...

sex isnt a disgusting thing, its not wrong and its not naughty its not sinful its not gross. but sex also is not sacred, its not a big important thing, its not vital. sex is JUST an activity. a fun thing to do with ur homies or someone youre close to. there are dangers of course, which is why KNOWLEDGE about it is such an important thing. ohhh my god i constantly have a huge ramble locked n loaded about sexual education but ill GET INTO THAT ANOTHER TIME.

TLDR i reaally like finn tidestrider because TO ME, he is not just a wacky funny old sex-having wizard. hes a man who lived a looong fuckin time under a religious climate that discouraged sexual exploration, and after he left, got to spend decades and decades of being FREE to explore. in MY heart.

i get like, haha funny old man yaoi, the shock of the old guy havin sloppy gay fuck sex, but yknow. i dont expect it but it would be neat i think if this sorta thing would ever be taken seriously and explored.

THE TIDESTRIDERS FASCINATE ME. for finn to say YES i LOVE having SEX all the TIME; and for gill to say NO i am NOT interested in sex EVER.. those are BOTH forms of sexual freedom. its the choice!! THE CHOICE!!!!

[my-lunaberg]

I got sick and didnt feel like watching dsmp so I just watched a bunch of random movies I found on my german piracy site of choice for almost a week but now Im better and Im about to watch Eryns origin story and idk man, I just felt like sharing my thoughts about that guy so far

First of all, Im so curious about this concept of any dsmp character having an origin story bc its like. their origin story is that they showed up. thats it. Like yeah, a lot of people very obviously have histories going back to before they showed up on the smp but theyre never really elaborated upon. Niki and Wilbur would kill for eachother with no hesitation, no explaination needed, stuff like that

Also, Im curious about some of the demon lore we'll potentially get bc like, demons arent a thing in minecraft the way slimes or endermen are but Eryn said he is one and also actually confirmed that BBH is one as well (I think he did anyway, I know its been popular fanon for a while but I dont remember it being brought up in canon before he said it), so Im curious how theyre gonna be integrated. My prediction is that theyre basically just gonna be like, the nether-equivalent of humans. Like, in the overworld the humans (or player characters ig) are the only sapient creatures and in the nether its demons.

But thats general lore stuff, now I wanna talk about my guy Eryn !!!! :D

I like him so much and idek why. Hes just a fun guy a fun lil guy I love him :D

I guess the best way to describe it would be like, Im very charmed by him. I love that hes like, this edgy-lookin ninja guy who likes to cause trouble, hes really the chaotic teenage boy this server has been missing ever since every other teenage boy has either been horrifically traumatized or is Purpled. I also like that, despite him being this chaotic teen boy who does what he wants, he seems to very sincerely admire Eret and listens to them for some reason ?? I say 'for some reason' because Eret has kinda been old news for a long time, like the fact that theyre a king doesnt mean anything because actual governments just kinda stopped mattering to everyone except for Wilbur and Quackity, but that honestly just makes it more charming. Eryn and Erets entire dynamic is just so good idk why, but its so comfy and chill in a way where you can tell theyre still just aquaintances but its still so nice yknow. This kinda ties into my previous point as well, I really like how he put a shit ton of effort into getting good knight armor and honestly really wants to be a knight while also demonstrating that hes willing and able to like, steal shit from the prison

Another thing that I find really interesting is his complete and utter lack of connection or interaction with Dream. Like, he arrived after Dream had long been in prison and while he left an undeniable impact on literally everything in the server, no one really. talked about it? Eryn seemingly had to go out of his way to get any kind of information because when Dream was still locked up everyone was all like "welp, the big badscary villain man is gone, and we're all safe so we dont have to worry about him anymore and we'd rather not talk or think about him lest we spoil everyones good mood" and then when he escaped they were all like "oh no, we're already feeling so anxious and bad bc we dont know where he is so we'd rather not talk about him lest we make everyone feel even worse when everything is already so terrible". His mindset is that Dream hasnt harmed him personally and hes never really interacted with him so he doesnt really have an opinion on him, which is very interesting as well. On one hand, it seems a bit naive to think that way when literally everyone keeps telling him how horrible that guy is, but also, while none of the conflicts on the dream smp have ever been caused by mob mentality, they have certainly been exercabated by it, so i guess its better to have less of it

I do have mixed feelings about that though. I feel like I'd need to see Eryn interact with Dream in order to really form an opinion on that and I feel like they might actually do that. Like, Eryn is Tommys friend and I think if Dream somehow found out that he doesnt have any negative feelings towards him on the basis of "he hasnt harmed me personally", he would definitely try to exploit that and I think that could be really interesting. If that doesnt happen in canon I might write an AU about it, probably not straight up villain!Eryn but maybe leaning more towards chaotic neutral idk

[marcusoseman99]

Songs of the isle pt 34

Apollo: Keep moving..... stop being a bitch Reegan and you need this work.

*Apollo stops walking and falls to his knees with his forehead to the ground*

Apollo: I could just take the hand out from Hermes- dont think like that fuck.

*Apollo punches himself in the stomach then starts to stand but falls to the ground*

Voices: Pffft great acting get up- NOW

Apollo: *Whispering* Shut up.

Voices: Come on you look fine just get up...... Gods ae you even trying

Apollo: *screaming* SHUT UP

*Apollo forces himself up barley standing him throws his claws around hoping that somehow, he hits one of the voices till he stops his gaze going blank*

Apollo: i just need sleep just for a bit i-i am so.....tired.

*Apollo goes into the fetal position and with the voices getting louder but Apollo doesn’t move not looking at anything other than the ground.

Hel watches Apollo out of sight smiling at him the smile however slowly changes to pure curiosity and surprise as the ground around Apollo starts to produce the same black substance as the wailing beast *

Voices: That’s right get out of their way you just make things difficult.

*The more the voices speak the more Apollo is getting covered in the inky substance*

Hel: Well this is certainly interesting maybe I could get something more substantially out of this moral mutt.

*Hel starts to walk away, and she does the voices fade away the black substance dissipates as it does Apollo stands up*

Hel is waiting outside of the forest with her shit eating grin while Apollo starts to walk pass her Apollo walks toward the Horse that is now right inf front of him*

Apollo: Are you going to let me go or am I dead.

Hel: You are free to go.

Apollo: What’s the catch?

Hel: I have learned everything there is to know about you and you are a deeply flawed man but I’d prefer to see you suffer further in the mortal realm.

Apollo: That’s it?

Hel: Well one condition you let me touch your forehead.

*Apollo and Hel made eye contact *

Apollo: This feels like it’s going in a weird direction and you are a bit to old even for me.

Hel: I would never let any pitiful imp like you near me in such a manner.

Apollo: Glad we are on the same page then.

Hel: Now..... do you agree?

Apollo: I don’t have a choice, do I?

Hel: No its more of a courtesy.

Apollo: Fuck it then.

*They both walk toward one another then Hel places her icy fingers on Apollos face with her thumbs resting on his forehead*

Apollo: Weirdly soothing i mean she has cold ass hands and tight grip but after today like this I’ll take it.  

*The scene cuts to Vick running through the woods till he is on the outskirts of the clearing*

Vick: *heavy breathing* I…need…to…stop Vaping.

*As Vick Is about to enter the clearing but stops*

Vick: Is it so bad if they get caught they did murder someone and save my life a couple of times.... fuck.

*Vick starts to pace around between the clearing and the woods*

Vick: AHHHH, this is impossible.

*Vick starts to grab at his head and continues to pace around before coming to a complete stop*

Vick: That’s it I am just getting intel yknow to make sure that they aren’t dangerous cuz I can always tell Leander if I am unsure.

Vick: YEEEAH

*Vick walks up to where invisible field starts*

Vick: Hey Reegan....... are you home?

*The field falls, and Reegan is waiting at the very edge of the field smiling Vick smiles back*

Reegan: Hey how is everything?

Vick: Not bad also we need to get rid of the body.

Reegan: Hmm straight to the point we can just wait for Apollo to get back and I’ll make him do it.

Vick: NO we need to do it now like right now.

Reegan: Ok why?

Vick: Well….

Vick: OK I can’t tell him about Leander he might trust me but Apollo will kill me.

Vick: I just want *sigh* I know he was fucked up but I doesn’t sit right with me that he isn’t buried yknow.

Vick: I wanted to lie but that’s the truth even if I don’t want Leander to know..... having Stefans body like that isn’t right and I want to help him even if I couldn’t help while he was alive.

Reegan: Fair enough that’s noble to be honest

Vick: Yeah well can you given me a hand with his *gulp* body.

*Reegan looks at Vick Blanky*

[tired-demonspawn]

netflix avatar episode 5-8!

(i binged the rest of it in one go)

funky lil thoughts on a funky lil show :)

fair warning i'm going to shit on it a lot for the majority of this post but dont be fooled into thinking i hated it, i just like to nitpick in long spanning paragraphs.

okay we are fully fully going into doing their own thing territory in episode 5 and somewhat episode 6, i tried and failed multiple times to guess which episodes are they going to do and it turned out they only took the base ideas from them and almost fully did their own thing. aside from the blue spirit bits

i actually think its nice, they were shaving the episode count to the point where they only mentioned some episodes, which i can just feel deep in my bones someone already getting mad about, but i think its fine that they did it this way. they make a little remix of it. :)

koh was creepy as shit man fr i hated the 2 jumpscares god almighty. it was awesome. i didnt like the weird cgi for his face, but i got used to it eventually. i think it was certainly a choice to have him appear in ep 5 instead of how they learn of the spirits. they changed his mechanics, apparently he can just???? steal faces??? whenever???? they make it a food thing instead of a "lmao i wanna impress my mom so imma steal the faces she makes"

also mother of faces mention! ...not smething i expected thats for sure. and the fog of lost souls too.

they make kuruk pick up his slack fr, did not expect that.

i love in episode 6 that zuko and aang are forced to interact, that they have to talk to each other and in a certain way influence each other, give both a lil bit to think about beyond "if we knew each other back then, do you think we could've been friends?"

i really dont like that zuko fights back in the agni kai, makes the shit ozai did i lil less impactfull, little less brutal in the audiences eyes i think. the execution style burn he got in the cartoon was more caroonishly evil, yes, but it also showed more of zuko's character yknow? he refused to fight out of principle, he was loyal, he was "the perfect fire nation citizen" and yet that wasnt good enough.

also we got robbed of "you will learn respect and suffering will be your teacher", which is kinda wild considering how many of the shows lines got put in verbatim. they felt so strongly about pippinpaddleopsikopolis the third that they used it somewhere else when they didnt use it in omashu. but this iconic line couldnt make it in?

I also dislike this version of him speaking out, this is the first time we are hearing of an agni kai, since zhao and zuko didn’t go at it. We don’t know what it is we haven’t been introduced to it, so it being invoked now means nothing to the audience.

And i don’t think the slight was big enough for ozai to justify a duel with a child. Like before he was supposed to be quiet and his outburst was a) disruptive b) immediate upon hearing the plan c) defended the soldiers themselves, “those soldiers love and defend our nation, how can you betray them” but now its about the honor of the officers which I don’t think has as big an impact. Plus I think its actually a less “egregious” position from ozai’s side yknow? In the first version he not only defended the lives of the soldiers but said the council was betraying them in doing what they were doing. Here he just said they deserve to die better than that. Sure cartoon ozai would’ve fucked him up for less, but this ozai? This ozai who invited him to the meeting? Who asked his opinion? Who actually acknowledges that him finding the avatar was impressive? No shot he invokes an agni kai over this.

was the bit about being impressed just for the sake of fucking with azula? yeah. but imma get to that later.

live action zuko and cartoon zukos are 2 different people, which while i respect, from the stance that the showmakers are doing their own thing, i also think caroon zuko was always good. he was always peaceful, always kind. its just he got that shit beaten outta him and he compensates by being angry. this zuko is less kind, more honour bound. which is ironic considering which one of the two was constantly talking about his honor. not that he isnt kind at all, but i think we got robbed of some of the character moments he had in the show.

as much as i love the ending of ep 6 where the 41st salute him(love that they made his crew the 41st btw), i would've liked to actually see the scene from The Storm, where he gives up on the hunt for the avatar for the sake of his crew's safety. he has these moments on his own, in irohs presence, but i do think we needed to see the crew also have this.

but they add new character moments! like the recovering post agni kai, being told of his banishment. absolutely god-tier scene. and the little moment with iroh after zhao takes away aang. very nice scene, i actually like that he already has treason on the mind. episode 6 is by far my favourite. did i know it was gonna be my favourite even before starting this show because my favourite book 1 episode is the blue spirit? yeah. but i dont think that diminishes anything.

now. ozai. my mans. mr god-sculpted cheekbones. conceptually im fine with him fucking with everyone, but i am ashamed to admit that it took zhao spelling it out for the audience for me to get that thats what he was doing. i was 100% convinced he was sincere, that he had just wanted the best heir to the throne of the glorious fire nation or something. and while i am tempted to say that that is on my dumb ass for being stupid, i actually want to blame the show a little bit, because where do we see that he's not sincere? nowhere. he's not cruel to zuko, he seems to mean it when he speaks with azula about him finding the avatar, he gives no indication to the audience that what he says to him about the whole toughing up the spirit with banishment isnt sincere. he comes across as a deeply abusive father that however at the end of the day wants his children to be the best but goes about it in the most horrific ways.

maybe that's what they were going for? a master manipulator that plays his own twisted little game noone but himself is privy to, but on the surface it seems like he cares in his twisted little way? im trying very hard to look at this without the cartoon lense, but its so unbelievably hard.

for a show that usually spoonfeeds stuff like this throughout their runtime its wild that they would decide to go "here comes the airplane" this "late"

ah now i see where all of sokkas cartoony sexism fled, it went to pakku. that's so whack. his character wasnt that good to begin with but you further masacre him.

mans says himself water is the element of change, so i thought oh alright his eventual training of katara is gonna be that much nicer if he already has this down. i mean i was fine with them not doing the neclace thing, it was kinda cheesy in the show anyway, but i was expecting that turnaround due to the students. i wanted to see pakku go "mmm yes perhaps i could teach you a thing or two" after he sees his students enamored with her skill.

also what was yagodas turnaround? she was just as much into the tradition as pakku was, but suddenly she's on katara's side? all the other women are too? sure okay.

also katara didnt need to be entirely self taught, come the fuck on, she loses to pakku the same way but suddenly with no further training shes takin down zuko, shes a commander of them other waterbenders.

being entirely self taught is nice and all, but there are just certain things you dont figure out on your own. i speak from experience on this, yeah sure i can draw some guy on my own, but even a short 3 week course taught me so much more in terms of composition, perspective, camera shots, things you wouldnt even think about because they just don't come to mind as even being relevant. its that way for everything. there are just certain dots that can only be connected with the guide of someone else.

now i have to mention something that kinda bothered me by the end: in avatar: book 1 - water(although to be fair i dont think it was marketed as such) the avatar... doesnt learn waterbending. the only thing he did with water was the giant koi and well that doesnt really count does it, that was la being angry at zhao for killing tui. speaking of: i wanted to see la get the W, i wanted to see zhao taken by the glowy sea. i wanted to see zuko reach out to him, despite them being enemies.

also they take away irohs part in the restoring of balance which i think nicely foreshadowed him being a white lotus member. yeah yeah it was to make yue's sacrifice more her own choice but i really wanted him to be at least present.

onto more positive stuff i actually like a lot of the changes made to yue. makes her not just be that one random girl at the end of book one that got turned into the moon, it was yue, this actual person with dreams and motivations that sacrificed herself for the good of the world.

was the character that got added to her written kinda badly? yeah. but does that negate my point? i hope not.

i was kinda on the fence with the removal of the betrothal thingy and making hahn a decent guy, but eh... it grew on me. however it did raise a question... how old is everyone? cuz she called off the marriage at 16, but she was 16 in the show, it certainly isnt a fresh wound or hahn wouldn't've been that chill with it. im thinking 2 years, that seems about right, for the actors too. yeah i can believe aang is 14 and zuko 18, id buy that.

perhaps their canonical age is somewhere but i sure as hell dont know where.

but that train of thought did kinda answer the fact that sokka went ice dodging. i was super confused about that. but if everythings the same, just the timeline is shifted 2 years then yeah he would go ice dodging. ofc that opens the other can of worms of why didnt he go fight in the war with them if he underwent the fuckin uhhh maturity test? was it because he failed just that spectacularly? fuck if i know. i dont think the show knows either.

as a more overall thing i dont like aangs dialogue, its a more broad issue. He just doesnt seem like a kid yknow? Like even katara and sokka are more childish, they act like children who had to grow up too fast, but aang didnt have to grow up too fast, he should be forced to grow up within the span of the series. Not be the most downer adult one of them. Especially with that he said to bumi in episode 4 about solvin shit like a kid

but okay. that was mega negative goddamn.

for my closing thoughts id like to say that i really enjoyed the show. and look forward to season 2. i like the little remix of the mythos they've got goin on and i wanna see how they continue that into book 2 and hopefully book 3.

it tries to do something original, it is an adaptation after all. if you dont like it you can still watch the cartoon series, but this is a nice lil alternate version of it and i wont say that i dont like it. do i have my nitpics? sure. is the dialogue mediocre? hell yeah. but i want to see where it goes next. :)

very cool series, overall like a 7 outta 10? masks(ep 6) is the best episode, its prbly the only one id rewatch on my own without friends.

thanks for reading :)

[dahniwitchoflight]

Homesquared Chapter 14 part b

Alright time for more reactions to Homesqaured- oh jeezus

the last one of these I did was from october last year, hoo boy alright brain time to get back on the time train things are happening fast

we last left off with me thinking they just fucking hilled Harry but I remembered the wrong house so Harrys fine, John not so much

Yeah, John sad but ooh Karkat shows up!

They seem to have a mutual conversation about lost youth and stuff, really makes these characters feel oold

“JOHN: jeez, i'm sorry karkat.

JOHN: i had no idea how much time had passed.

JOHN: i must have gotten a bit distracted by my house being blown up.“

Oh man, John thats a whole ass MOOD

lol at sburb allocated blow job

yeah Karkats right tho, John does kind of need a kick in the pants to see how he might have been useful here, but Johns still stuck in this rut of not seeing anything around him as Real real, so hes blind to all of the consequences of inaction

John its called derealization and depersonalization, you can get help for that yknow

But I mean, cant really blame him, hes being smothered by the fires of Doom all around him

Its interesting to see that Karkat, a Blood player, is more comfortable navigating through things that constrain them and tie them down, since constraint is something Blood and Doom have in common, Chains and Barriers and Laws and etc

Whereas John the Breath player, just gets bogged down, hes totally out of his element

so it ends up being like John: “Id like to cling to some funny moments of my youth pls and try to lighten the situation up a bit because I cant do anything when so heavy”

versus Karkat being like: “BUCKLE UP FUCK TITS THIS SHIT IS YOUR LIFE NOW GETS USED TO WADING KNEE DEEP IN THE SHIT LIKE THE REST OF US GROWN ASS ADULTS”

John: ):

Hmm, both Vriskas have been captured, but Annie basically rescued herself, knowing Vriska Prime she probably has a plan or an idea about that, see well see how that goes

“KARKAT: JANE'S PLAN FOR THIS CONFLICT HAS THUS FAR CONSISTED ALMOST ENTIRELY OF KIDNAPPING VARIOUS HIGH PROFILE CHILDREN.

KARKAT: IT'S BIZARRE.

KARKAT: AS THOUGH WE ARE FIGHTING A WAR OF ATTRITION, WHERE THE MAIN RESOURCE BEING UTILIZED IS THE OFFSPRING OF THE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE ON THE PLANET.KARKAT: IF IT WASN'T ONE OF THE CORE TENETS OF HER FASCISTIC PHILOSOPHY, I'D BE TEMPTED TO SAY THAT CURBING REPRODUCTION MIGHT HAVE BEEN A GOOD IDEA, IF ONLY TO PREVENT THIS KIND OF FUCKSHIT NONSENSE FROM HAPPENING.

Oh. Well I guess that was Dirk’s “plans” for Jane all along. Obviously he was using Jane as a vehicle to gather “players” for his eventually next session, interesting

But who has Jane kidnapped in total thus far?

Does Tavros count? he was certainly trapped with her for some amount of his life, but I dont know if that counts as a kidnapping, John certainly tried to kidnap HIM though from the epilogues

Annie certainly counts as being kidnapped

Vrissy has JUST been captured so that counts, and Harry so far is still fine

Which bodes so well for Harry’s future Im sure

Yeah, Vriska should have been able to not outwit any capture attempts, but my guess is either Vrissy got capture and Vriska dove in, OR, Vriska’s doing an inside job so to speak and got caught on purpose, dragging Vrissy along as well

I guess we’ll see when we see their “prison”

Anyway John, don’t get so down on yourself, you’re just ignorant to everythiong around you! thats why nothing makes sense and you can’t connect to anything, easy fix! Just try to learn more and care more about stuff lol

Man does this feel like a strong metaphor between people who are into/care about politics and people who feel like they can’t get into it though

Crossing that hurdle from one side to the other is rough

“KARKAT: BUT NOTICING THE PROBLEM AND MAKING MEANINGFUL PROGRESS TOWARDS SOLVING IT ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS.”

yup

man, this is all feeling startlingly relevant to the current times, I should have read this sooner

“ KARKAT: PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME YOU JUST HAD ANOTHER EMOTION THAT WE NEED TO DROP EVERYTHING IN ORDER TO DISSECT. “

hah, oh wow, Karkat when you phrase it like that, it’s almost as if you’ve become self aware of your tendencies to Moirail people out of their problems

Not really that out of character for a Blood player to end up being the Therapy Friend though lol

Just don’t burn yourself out on that though

JOHN: karkat, we still haven't spoken about *you*!

KARKAT: ABOUT ME?

JOHN: yes.

KARKAT: ABOUT *ME*?

JOHN: about you.

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT ME.

JOHN: well...

JOHN: you know, how you feel!

KARKAT: HOW I FEEL.

I know Karkat has probably matured past misunderstandings like this now given he’s really come into a great understanding of his Blood aspect, but by golly do I wish Karkat would misunderstand this as John’s attempts to be Moirail-reciprocal sdkjfhwlijebr

What a perfect way to continue their relationship, on top of more misconstrued romance quadrants XD

Spades is old Hat, Diamonds are in now babey

Oh

this started out funny, but Karkat’s emotional rant just ended up being depressing not funny ):

I have to say though, it is REALLY interesting to see John’s depression manifesting in a very breathy sort of way

Karkat in these panels was more closer together, connected, but as John gets more and more depressed over the course of Karkat’s rant when he realizes Karkat doesn’t know dave died, the panels get seperated by lines of blue, and slowly drift off away from John and from eachother

but thats basically been hows its been manifesting all along

the more John feels Disconnected and Seperate from the reality he finds himself in, the more he finds his will untethered, the more depressed and unable to act he gets

and right now its so much so that even a fuller fledged Blood player is having trouble grounding him back down

I don’t know, I always viewed the depression metaphor as a dark watery void to sink into and feels heavy and encapsulating (but probably thats just my Light-y interpretation of it)

so its interesting to see the depression metaphor as this floating disconnection instead, so much that it leans towards derelaization/depersonalistion/dissociation as well

I wonder if John will start dealing with bouts of actual full blown dissociation as this gets worse?

I mean, Breath aspect has given the literal ability to ghost around wherever he pleases in all other ways, why not literally and physcologically as well?

So John seems to be fully overembracing his aspect here, to a very unhealthy degree here, which I see you asking “aha Dahni, but hes doesn’t have overblown self esteem here, quite the opposite, is this not an inverted state instead? or something else because hes acting like hes inverting to Breath?”

and I say not so! reader, for overembracing is the idea that through your aspect, your will is overwriting the wills of others, and in someone like Vriska, this manifests in a very selfish and over self esteemed way

but is not John’s will overwriting Karkat’s here? Through Breath? And isnt John also being a little selfish here? Considering how he feels about things, more important than how anyone else feels? How Karkat feels?

John is too dissociated to understand that this reality is Real and has Consequences he needs to care about, and Karkat is trying to fight against that, trying to instill his belief that no, this shit is real and it Matters Why Don’t You Care, trying to ground him, trying to give him that dose of Blood he needs

but John’s overembracing Breath is just, blowing that all away, its becoming too strong

Roxy in the epilogues dealt with this as well, when John was really in the shits with it and started to believe Roxy’s whole personality was somehow fake and his own construction, because he convinced himself Roxy would never choose to do the things she did, but Roxy was able to snap him out of it and make him understand and respect it was her own choices that led down his path, not the idea that John’s choices are somehow overriding everyones

But man, John sure is riding that Breath train way too hard, and he keeps snapping back into it as well

Further and Further

[lizparkcr]

ok so im trying to avoid having emotions about the shitshow that is the local elections so i dont yknow breakdown and ive been meaning to make a post for ages abt muriel’s route i have so many thoughts. obvious spoilers ahead not that i have more than like 2 followers who play arcana game

firstly....i was kinda underwhelmed with the second half/ending of his route. disclaimer i haven’t replayed it and haven’t got the reversed ending, only upright, and my memory sucks and i played it a while ago. SO, things that I....don’t understand:

1. SUCH a massive deal is made out of muriel (and MC) having to learn to fight, the plot literally hinges on it, only for it to swing off the plot all together into oblivion and for the final showdown to be....a series of literal games.* And I wouldn’t disagree with this as an ending tbh!!!! I think it’s fucking great actually -- a non-violent resolution to further signify Muriel’s journey from violence and isolation to peace and fun and family, and tbh sort of a massive fuck you to lucio; LITERALLY RETURNING to the coliseum only to BEAT Lucio WITHOUT returning to the violence that lucio forced on him, turning it into a place of actual joy. Like fuck!!  BUT with the whole first part it just doesn’t fucking fit lmao? Muriel could have faced his demons in the beginning without learning to fight at all, he still could have had that journey. Morga could have just traveled with them right? Or even better he could have refused to fight and then the ending would have been even better. We could have had a moment of Morga acknowledging their strength??? Acknowledging their non-violent victory WITH PRIDE??? Bringing her to reflect on her choices as a mother and a leader??? Devs why couldn’t we have had that :(  I may be remembering wrong but the apparent necessity of Morga teaching them to fight is the biggest source of tension for at least a book. It’s the reason for his first kiss with the MC!  Also yeah speaking of tension with Morga 

2. SUCH a big deal is made out of morga becoming/reflecting as (?) a mother figure to muriel (which in itself is a very bold way to go story-wise)....only for her to be killed off. Again, I don’t disagree with this decision, I like her but story-wise it could fit. But I can’t help feel like it was really premature. This is something I feel all routes suffer from, and perhaps I am expecting too much from a game that can be played for free very easily, but every single route has pacing problems, none more than Muriel’s imo. Considering the maternal aspect of Morga (for both her and Muriel!) is sooooo fucking loaded and intense like, you cannot drop that and then kill her and not really mention her for the rest of the story. Her “ghost” made an appearance sometime later and a few sentences were said and that was it. Her and Muriel’s past was so brushed over  and idk clearly they didn’t have the time or money or whatever to develop it which is a real shame. Their journeys could have run parallel or gone in opposite directions literally anything but Morga dying in a moment of weakness from a cheap trick by lucio :/ bc YEAH like that was not actually weakness but certainly what morga considers weakness!!! that mistake could have split her away from muriel+MC entirely OR brought them closer together. she could have been disgusted with herself and decided once and for all to let go of lucio as a son and go her own way to destroy him, or she could have woken up to what she can do differently now and work with Muriel and co and let go of lucio that way. idk man it was just a waste

Right then....onto the romance. or. lack of :( this is completely subjective, I know some people were v happy with it but like, this could not have been a drier route and im so fucking sad about it. There were definitely some sweet moments, but that was sort of it for me. I get what they were going for, but it’s personally sad to me that Muriel’s contentedness seems to have come at the expense of sensual intimacy/tension. like there was just absolutely no spice whatsoever. I saw someone describe the MC relationship as basically platonic and...yeah. Very little intimacy that wasn’t like, cuddling or holding hands, which since there wasn’t much to build on anyway just came across as nice but unexciting. It felt like it became too easy and too normal too quickly?  Naturally touch was such a precious and important thing in the beginning as Muriel was learning to trust, but that just did not get explored imo. The first kiss wasn’t...the worst, but it was sort of OOC to me. They could have got so deep with that first kiss -- the opportunity, the trust, the choice. “Happy accident” scenarios can be great and definitely could have worked for his story, but for the first kiss i was like oh ok we’re here now?? and..muriel’s ok with that considering we were just uhh sobbing about his forced servitude and violence?? idk how i haven’t mentioned it yet but the way the tone was all over the fucking shop in that book gave me serious whiplash. Anyway  it’s so disappointing bc c’monnnnn this whole relationship is brand new to BOTH mc and muriel.  At the start every touch is a small turning point and i think they did that so well, you feel excited at the development and where it will go, but then it’s like “ok well we’re together now so everything is easy and breezy”. you can create emotional tension (the good kind) through touch EVEN if they’re both ace. which the MC is not bc its the self insert character so. yeah. i feel like im probably being a bit harsh in retrospect but this is what has stuck with me. 

This leads me to Muriel himself, and what to me was the biggest opportunity to do blow everyone’s minds bc he was SUCH a mystery before his route. Dark and brooding but shy and caring, anti-social through anxiety and fear but lonely, his reluctant but consistent support of Asra and his friends. And that was all teased in the beginning! ....and then completely fell flat. Similar to my first point: they had some deep emotional development going, Muriel literally coming face to face with the past he never knew, and the past he wishes he could forget, learning to actually be around people, learning to trust people (and ngl i fucking loved the beginning stages with MC so much), and overcoming his anxiety and pessimism. He and MC literally travel together alone for weeks. WEEKS! And much of that is skipped by. We have big emotional scenes but not much in between. And then...and yknow im not sure where it changes...after khamgalai dies? (and dont get me started on that what the fuck was the point of THAT?) after MC goes to the arcane realms? I can’t remember but at some point it’s like...all tension is gone lmao. Including tension between MC and Muriel, and he becomes quite two dimensional. It was just rushed.  Vesuvia is in ruins, Nadia and co chased out of the palace, Lucio taking control etc but like...it doesn’t feel like it matters? Im really not saying that his route has to be all doom and gloom at all but don’t MAKE it doom and gloom and then do a 180 yknow? I remember Julian’s route in particular being so fucking tense, even though I knew I got the upright ending, that dinner scene was...phew. (and i do get that naturally the first 3 routes are bound to be a more exciting experience bc i was less familiar w the game etc but still, there was just 0 tension). 

im not even gonna talk about the MC’s past reveal bc i have issues with it in every route so whatever 

so yeah i love muriel and i still like the arcana but it’s writing and pacing is just so inconsistent and it makes me sad. I will continue to fanon Muriel’s route to death. 

*It’s occurred to me that the reversed ending may be more violent and actually fit with where the story seemed to be going in the start, but I stand by the opinion that it doesn’t matter because it still doesn’t make sense. I shouldn’t have to play the reverse ending to be like “oh ok that was the point of that” bc it should make sense and serve purpose in both endings, which i dont think it does.

[aglayalilich]

on some horror movies

a few months ago i got to see midsommar and though it didn’t quite do to me what hereditary did i thought it was a very compelling movie...shortly after, though, i was able to see the 2018 version of suspiria and wowwww did i feel some ways about that movie. i felt at the time that the two went very well together. so my friend invited me to see the director’s cut version of midsommar this weekend (still very interesting, though i felt the final cut was the right choice) and i decided i would also watch suspiria again and take notes on both. because i

wanted to articulate more why these movies work so well as a double feature for me, beyond ‘ah yeah there’s some girls dancing in it’ though certainly the role of dance and the climactic dance scenes are a part of it. there’s this structural similarity too in the final ritual acts. but like i was saying, it’s more than just a similar aesthetic. in fact the aesthetics are really in contrast, with suspiria’s bright red on desaturated colors versus midsommar’s blue and white on very lush, saturated backdrops. though they also do something similar with how color begins creeping into the character’s clothing in midsommar and of course many people have already talked about how the iconic red begins to creep into suspiria culminating at the end. really drastically different cinematography style also, midsommar is full of these long empty lingering shorts, all this wideness and slowness while suspiria is fast cuts, sudden zooms, races fromt he point of view of one character to the next. (sidenote: both have this GREAT visual language of mirrors, suspiria has the mirror room and dance studios and characters refracted a hundredfold, great for questions and multiplicity of identity. midsommar has a couple of really great scenes where one character is talking to another character but the second character is standing out of the shot and only visible in a mirror. ahhh so good. in general i wouldn’t say the effect of either movie is fear so much as disorientation--reflections, refractions, inversions. physical spaces impossible for the audience to navigate. images that the audience cannot arrange chronologically. i love it) anyway. this isn’t an essay so it is unstructured. i took about 10 pages of notes during my second viewing of midsommar and i can only understand about half of that because it was dark as fuck in the theater but i would like to at least ATTEMPT to give form to what i was feeling. comes down to 3 core similarities.

1. i read both of these movies as about abuse in communities that are supposed to be ‘safe.’ the community is a relief from trauma/abuse/horror of the outside world. there’s also a strong emphasis on the familial nature of this community. important to note that the community is genuine, it is not wholly a falsehood. it has a motivation beyond doing evil for evil’s sake, it may even believe the evil is necessary for the care of the community. this is a close and poignant topic for me, and i assume for other people as well, so it’s compelling to see it addressed in horror. it can be a great relief to see something as the subject of horror--that is an acknowledgement that it is horrific. a confirmation, an understanding, and sometimes through the resolution of the movie we can find stories that help us work through this.

2. both mostly focus on the horror of endurance rather than the horror of ending (death) which is a big thing for me in terms of my horror preferences. while i love some iconic monsters and killers ultimately the idea of ‘what if a fucked up thing killed you’ is just not actually that scary for me. what is scary for me is, yknow living in a state of unspeakable agony.

the olga scene in suspiria (you know the one) is a perfect example of this. every time you think that scene is about to be over it keeps going. and keeps going. the character is hurt but never killed, contorted impossibly, injured beyond the realm of what the human body should be able to endure but she is still alive. even when the scene finally comes to an end she is still alive! hard for me to articulate this scene if you haven’t seen it--i am very pleased and excitable about body horror and it was still rough for me purely because of how long it feels. in a sense this scene doesn’t even really end because much later during the climactic scene of the movie she is still fucking alive and has been in this state for the entire duration of the movie.

with midsommar it’s less of a body horror angle and more...dani living with all her pain and grief. but it’s done physically as well--being killed suddenly is not so horrible as being kept alive, the climactic horror is about a very prolonged, painful death. the dance scene doesn’t take it to suspiria levels but there is still a sense of the participants having no choice of when to stop, but simply must keep going in exhaustion until they cannot.

3. i really love how both of these films show pain (and other emotion) evoked through motions and breath. this one is harder to articulate. you know a lot of the time in a movie you will see an act of violence but it’s pretty...shallow, it’s just the image of violence, it has no weight to it. you don’t feel it. not so in these movies. it’s hard for me to articulate exactly how a piece of media goes about accomplishing this or not but often it makes the key distinction between things i think are just fine and things i really love.

these two have a really particular way of showing pain. in a very literal sense, there are incredible portrayals of bodies in physical pain. but there’s also dani’s raw screams of grief at the end of midsommar’s intro (and at other points throughout the film.) she is in too much pain to speak, all she can say is no, the leaked script describes it as ‘it’s so intense that it looks painful, dangerous even.’ on a slight digression i often feel  like i dont love ari aster the way a lot of people do but the thing i really truly do love and am awed by is the portrayal of this raw horrible grief pain in his films. it is so horrible it is very difficult for me to see and that is a little part of why i can never watch hereditary again. but anyway

sometimes pain robs us of thought and of language. (the movie knows this, the aforementioned prolonged painful death at the end of midsommar is one in which the character involved cannot move or speak). at a certain point it cannot be articulated through words. so these characters, the films themselves, articulate their pain (both physical and cosmic) through dreams, sighs, movement, screams.

sometimes pain seems too much for any one person to bear. this is when the movies come back around to the topic of community. both films emphasize the community as a body, made up of the individuals who serve as its cells or organs. when one part is hurt, the whole body feels the effects. more than that, the things too big for one human to possible feel are instead taken up by the community, felt by the larger body. volk is danced by one body, expressing the feeling not just of its creator but of the body. in midsommar we see the community take on in unison the feeling of one member, dancing or screaming as one (though i’ve seen different takes on whether this is to positive or negative result.) the body is formed and expresses itself through motion and breath, the dances, the sighs, the rhythmic exhalations which are all both precise and instinctive.

there is also something more i can’t say here about...not pain but the desire for someone to understand your pain, the desire for true connection.

i tried a few times to write about why this is a topic i fixate on but it didn’t feel right. to summarize ill just say that i struggle deeply with the ability to express pain.

now, on horror and the working-through of trauma...i said earlier that it is compelling to see these topics addressed in horror. horror is the main genre of any media that i enjoy and though i like other things, i don’t generally seek out anything that doesn’t have some inclination towards horror. this has always been the case but grew more true the more, uh, fucked up my life became, and i find it generally the best mechanism for thinking about (and not necessarily but sometimes coping with) grief and trauma and pain in all its forms. other people have written extensively about this, articulated it better than i could, there’s not really a need to get into it further than that.

but i’m thinking about one thing i’ve seen recently...(actually two things, firstly, some posts that seems to imply horror movies never tackled trauma before ari aster started directing which is just...quite a take, quite a take.) it was shots of ending scenes from a few horror movies, including hereditary and midsommar and also suspiria...i think the vvitch also and maybe also possession or something you know all the movies bitches with ptsd love (i’m bitches.) shots of the protagonist’s faces in the ending, a certain expression both rapturous and dissociated. there was something in the way i saw some people respond to this that made me think a lot...i think the idea that through great overwhelming trauma we can reach a point of ecstasy, or total transformation, is a very compelling story. it is something i have wished for often or even believed will happen--that there will be a certain point at which it really is too much and beyond that will be something different. some rapture that you will reach. not necessarily something positive but something that isn’t pain, that is beyond pain and horror. the idea of reaching divinity through great suffering is nothing new of course. but.

the true horror of endurance is that this is not going to happen. there is no point at which there will be absolution or ascension. the mirror does not shatter. it just keeps going. when you think this is the limit, it just keeps going.

the nice thing about movies is that they have a structure, and though they might leave you altered, they do end, the screen goes black. comfort of darkness, relief of endings. a sigh...

at least, that’s how i feel right now.

[jising-jisang-jisung]

Pink Paper Notes | Lee Felix | pt. 1

A/n: so I meant to post this on Valentine's day but I didnt finish and cant really write at the moment cuz I got hurt :( so I'm breaking it into parts so I can at least get some content out there

Genre: floof

Word count: 1,217

You can't recall when you first started receiving the notes. One day, they just started appearing around you, in your locker, at your desk, and even one on your car. Every single note had been written on pink paper in purple pen and had surprisingly good handwriting but you had no clue who was leaving these notes of confession for you. But today, when you opened your locker, the note was just on lined paper written sloppily in pencil:

Y/n, I have been debating whether or not I should give you this note and so I apologize for its lack of intricacy big words. But I really want you to know who I am. Or maybe I don't. I don't know. If you are interested in meeting me, I'll be at the Valentine's dance waiting for you. ♡

Wow. Did you read that correctly? The mysterious classmate sending you "love" letters wants to reveal himself. Sis you gotta go to that dance now, you don't have a choice. Although you aren't sure who is even sending these notes of adoration, you would like to thank them and maybe, who knows, you'll fall in love with your prince charming.

You only had 2 weeks until the dance that you had previously planned to not attend. You needed to find a cute dress to meet this admirer in. Your friend, let's call her Ryn because why not, took you shopping for a dress. She handed you a whole stack and sent you into the fitting rooms. Boy were you in trouble with this one. I'm so sorry katheryn I lub you but I h8 shopping,, anywho. While you were putting on a mid-thigh length, golden yellow, short sleeved dress aka my dream dress one of the workers came to assist Ryn.

His name was Felix and he didn't know much about dresses but his job required him to offer his help and Ryn wasn't planning on accepting because she didnt need help when it comes to shopping until you came out of the room and his face lit tf up. He just looked at you in awe, with flushed cheeks, and his mouth agape.

"I like this one! It's such a pretty color" you say in a child like tone.

"Uh I think it looks very nice too" a familiar voice spoke quietly. You looked up to see Felix a boy from your school. You knew him and you two were nice but not really friends yknow¿? But you gotta give credit where credit is due, Felix is absolutely so very hecking cute with his lil freckles. You were so caught up in a trance just kinda looking at each other until Ryn spoke: "I knew you'd like it! How much is that one" she obviously picked up on the staring thing judging by the look she threw you.

"This one is $30" I dont know how much dresses cost so sorry if that is not a good price uh "but I dont have any shoes that match :/" That's when your good friend turned to the worker. "Do you think you could help us find some shoes?" she said sweetly knowing full well that he could not do that.

As he walked the two of you to the shoes section, Ryn kept eyeing you both. "Y/n, why did you change your mind about going to the dance?" I mean, I suppose you could have told her about the notes, but why would you do that when you could,, not? "Uh because i want to fully experience the rest of my high school life?" you say in an unconvincing tone. Before she could further inquire, you were by the shoes.

"Do you have an idea of what you want?" Felix asked with a nervous smile. "Tbh, i was just gonna wear crocs" you whispered to avoid the wrath of your good friend. "NO YOU WERE NOT! YOU ARE GONNA WEAR NICE SHOES THAT ARE MOST DEFINITELY NOT CROCS!!" she most have still heard your confession.

~you buy shoes~

"So, Felix, huh?!" Ryn spews the moment you get into her room. "What do you mean?" And honestly, you are genuinely curious as to what she is implying. "He definitely has a crush on you... and you-" "I barely even know him! I don't have a crush on him. He barely knows me so obviously he doesn't like me either" you could hear yourself being too defensive and a bit rude but you couldnt prevent the words from coming out. "Chill, hoe, I was just saying what I saw. And what I saw was him looking at you like this (｡◕‿◕｡)" "shut up, Ryn, he was not"

However, the more you thought about it, the more plausible it is that he is your secret admirer or whatever. You got a note on your desk in calculus, which you two have together. His locker is also just a few down from yours so he would know which one to put the notes in. Certainly, he is a fair candidate but there are plenty of other boys who fit the role too. Subconsciously, you hoped it was the freckly boy, but you could never admit that to anyone, not even yourself.

The next day you walked into your math class and weren't surprised to see a small folded piece of pink paper.

Y/n, dont feel like you have to come to the dance just because of me. I still hope you do tho because you will look so pretty.. NOT THAT YOU DONT LOOK PRETTY EVERY OTHER DAY TOO!!

You cringed slightly at the fact that the mysterious someone was able to be so awkward even through a written note but you liked it nonetheless. But you weren't secretive enough!! That lil bitch, Ryn, snuck up behind you and read the whole freaking thing over your shoulder. Now she knows why you were so quick to change your mind.

"Y/n! Why didnt you tell me someone was giving you notes, hoe? I could've helped you figure out who it is? Omg what if it's that boy from the store?!"

"Shhhh... be quiet Felix sits right over there" sure enough a few columns from you sat the freckle faced boy. The longer you looked the more you took in. He was really handsome, to put it blatantly. But his face seemed redder than normal. And it was getting redder the more you looked.

"If you keep staring, he'll figure out that you're mentally making out with him" Ryn teased to which you responded by pinching her arm and sticking your tongue out.

"I was not" you huff. "My bad. You were booping/kissing (◕‿◕✿) each and every delicately placed freckle (◕‿◕✿) on his face" she said ever so dramatically. It was like she could read your thoughts because, well, that was what you were doing, but you weren't about to confirm that. "Ouch quit pinching me!" You hated to think about it, but you really wanted Felix to be the person who was leaving you notes.

As you were lost in thoughts of who this note leaver is, Ryn was devising a plan. She was going to find out who it is and set you tf up sister!! But, of course, you didnt know any of that.

Part 2 coming soon

Masterlist

[crypticarus]

Happy rambling about shiro and adam amd antis under the cut

Okay so I know Ive just made posts about it and there are so many posts all around tumblr now, especially cus its been revealed a few hours ago already and I JUST heard it so

but you guys I am legit shedding tears of happiness about shiro's revelation

because as much as I had hoped for it, i know its actually rather difficult to put explicitly lgbt characters in a show, wjether that's about them being gay or bi or trans and other. I know in the last couple years more and more sjows have been able to portray and represent our community, people part of us and allies have fought for it but regardless there are still so many homophobic people in charge of companies or just as bad businessmen who care nothing for us as human beings and will allow just whatever will give them money and will censor whatever they deem tok risky. And unfortunately a lot of parents get angry about gay people in children shows.

And I kmow the voltron producers and voice actors have been saying we'll get our representation, but i wasnt expecting it to be explicit. Especially after season 6 i thought keith and shiro being and theor beautiful relationship that is very difficult to be seen as anything but completely devoted love, i thought that was it. I thought that was our representation and that was all we'd get. I was already happy and crying over that, because if it was the gay moment we were promised, then even if it was just still our typical hinted and not explicit thing, it was still a healthy beautiful relationship and not even antis could take that away. Then again, antis were leaving a bitter feeling being arseholes about it and being so vocal and disgusting, so i just hoped sheith would be remembered for their beautiful dynamic and not for the ugly part of the fandom.

And, you know, July was pride month. And the city I live in is going pride this august so ive been seeinf rainbows and pride themed things a lot and I am so very much lookibg forward to it and its just never been easy for me to be open about my own sexuality, and whenever the topic came up it was in arguments about rights. Always just arguments. So lately ive been so very happy about the positivity surrounding LGBT+, yknow?

And this... man, this is the cake. Voltron has been such a huge thing in my life at the moment, and Shiro has been increasingly a favourite of mine, a character I came to care about deeply. And now he's confirmed to be gay or bi or pan. Either way, this is explicit. I am very excited and curious how they'll show it in the show now, how they'll make it clear that Adam was not just a really good friend but a significant other. On a romantic level. Regardlesss of how it ended.

Either way, I am so happy and glad.

On that note: fuck antis.

I know Ive seen some antis using that as an excuse to make Adam seem like the one shiro is in love with right now and how sheith cant be canon and-

first of all i dont need sheith to become canon. It is. For me it is, and that's enough. The tv show is about voltron, i dont need sheith to be centric, even if it would still be great.

And also: Adam and Shiro might have jad a good relationship but from what weve been told so far, Adam left Shiro when he needed him the most. When Shiro was realising his dream despite whatever illness and the most-likely accompanying mental health issues coming with it, which is a huge fucking accomplishment and extremely inspiring for any chronically ill person, Adam chose that he didnt want to support Shiro. And there is absolutely no way this is okay. You cant bring your significant other down because you are selfish. Sometimes you need to find a compromise but telling them to choose between a lifelong dream like that or you is certainly not a compromise, its emotional blackmail of sorts. I am glad Shiro chose kerberos or maybe Adam left him and didnt give a choice, i dont care. Shiro is better off without Adam, shiro is better off with someone who supports hkm through everything.

Shiro is better off with someone who will punch someone half blind.

Shiro deserves someone who will break into a government facillity to break you out.

Shiro deserves someone who will follow him into space, into galactic war and happily fight if its by his side.

Shiro deserves someone who would rather give up his own past just to continue being with Shiro.

Shiro deserves someone who will cross aan alien desert with nearly no tools to save him.

Shiro deserves someone who will support and believe in Shiro thriving eben when Shiro has given up on himself.

Shiro deserves someone who will rather risk getting blown up on some weird planet about alien traditional rather than see him be blown up.

Shiro deserves someone who would rather sacrifice himself and save the world than see Shiro die with it.

Shiro deserves someone who will literally fight him to bring him back to reality.

Shiro deserves someone who loves him so much like they never loved anyone before, brother or lover, because Shiro is both to them.

Shiro deserves someone who openly loves Shiro with all his heart and soul.

Shiro deserves someone who will hold his hand and never let go no matter what.

Shiro deserves someone who would rather die with him than live without him.

O wait.

Shiro deserves a Keith.

[last-flight-of-fancy]

so the qpp commands, so it shall be done

#iirc a more accurate translation would have been 'there can only be one HERO' #which has a slightly different connotation #especially given the recurring fairy tale themes of disney movies (and thus also kh)#but unfortunately the translation team didn't know that word choice was going to be *really* important the longer the series went on #regardless even in kh1 mickey had one too so there already was two keyblades#riku was just... wrong. and going through his teenage edge phase

#i wanna take the word retcon away from the kh fandom in general so bad #maybe they'll learn a) what it actually means and b) to respect it #retcons are not always bad. but a bad (edit: i meant innacurate) translation or something being foreshadowed is inherently not a retcon #the pods in khux? almost certainly a retcon. and its GREAT #nobodies actually regrowing their hearts? not a retcon that was foreshadowed in the exact same game they were introduced in #kingdom hearts

#kh is not a hollywood movie where the twist is there for cheap shock value #and it's not going to hold your hand through picking up the clues #and its okay not to notice things bc there's a lot to notice! #that's why i like to think of kh as something of a group project. we all notice different bits and it all comes together to form- #-a complete story

#maybe that's why it's so frustrating when people dismiss certain observations out of hand (like anything even tangentially related to sr) #(yknow. other than the often rampant homophobia) #because its like saying 'well i dont see it so it doesnt count' like bro you think i saw everything my first go round? hell no #i remember seeing the terra guardian theory back in... i wanna say around 09? i thought it was Neat but i wasn't gonna put any money on it #but that person obviously saw something i didn't because they were ABSOLUTELY RIGHT #looking back i can see what i missed

#my point is that if you aren't constantly re-evaluating kh's lore with every new bit of info you're going to get left behind real fast #because our understanding of it is constantly evolving #or if that's too much that's okay too; just sit back and enjoy the show while we work stuff out. us hardcore nerds are more than happy to do the hard work. Just enjoy the meal with us

Why do people always forget that there being more than one keyblade wielder was already established /in kh1/, it was never a retcon. Riku was simply wrong when he said there could only be one keyblade wielder because he didn’t know shit and had his head up his ass.

[thisisasupergoodidea]

so im trying to shape the overall theme or thesis or lesson, whatever its called, of my story. and i think i wanna do it in a post mostly because you think differently when youre writing for other ppl to see as opposed to scribbling notes for yourself, but also because it’ll give me a chance to share more about what im writing to those interested

as soon as i created a character that existed both tangibly and intangibly and regarded itself as a literal object without personality, i knew i wanted to get into the subjects of figuring yourself out as a person, what a person is, having total power in choosing who you are, all that stuff. ive seen the advice about writing what you know (with tolkien as the example) and while i admit i dont know a fucken thing in the educated sense, i do know the struggle very well. i know that i have no clue who or why or how or what my personality even is, or what version of it i want to present, or how to make myself that version, yet simultaneously i know so very much about myself because not knowing has made me too uncomfortable in my own meat, and as a result ive become obsessed with analyzing and scrutinizing myself constantly. i dont know if i LOVE doing it, but i like to think im finally good at it now, and i can certainly write about it

these questions of identity are present throughout my story (or story ideas, at this point). theres the in/animate object that thinks of itself only by the task it was built to perform, and it will be encouraged to start deciding things about itself FOR itself. theres the main people protagonists whose societies taught them that everyone has the power and responsibility to show others who they are, how they intend to live, etc. no one has the right to do that for you unless youve given them that right. one of those four is even outright performing a personality that does not truthfully reflect what he’s thinking or feeling internally, because he’s so disappointed in who he is that he hopes in pretending to be better/happier it will eventually change him.

so of course when these four learn that their whole world is essentially some unknowable entity’s farm, that their societies have been cultivated and shaped by unseen forces to produce the most pleasant energy, i really want to imagine theyd be able to react to that quickly somehow. like, not being given the chance to choose is the greatest insult, so these people discover that civilization is not being allowed to take its natural course and i think their instinct is to want to confront the offending party and demand some apologies, yknow. thats how disputes are settled on an individual level. the offended vs the offender, maybe a third party in an extreme case. they decide they will become the third-party, intervening on behalf of the entire world

but i wanted the way that they go about resolving this to be... bad. because i find the idea interesting, and im wondering if i can pull it off without accidentally giving off the message that its okay for people to do awful things. my message is more ‘people might choose to do awful things but their actions are symptomatic of them as an individual; choice itself has no alignment. we need the opportunity to make our own decisions, be they good or bad or in between, in order to learn what good and bad consequences even look like. its how we can truly grow as people’. and i mean im aware that a terrible action can lead to a wonderful consequence, and vice versa and all. thats my story right now. these people antagonize the entire peninsula, creating a gross negative environment for everyone just to get that entity to LOOK at them long enough to present their argument. so yeah thats why i wanna be careful about my message. i think it could be fine if i show how each person struggles with the decision to be intentionally heinous but, i dont know. ill cross that road when i get there

anyway uh yeah thats i guess the most prominent thing. i want to add other stuff in though. if theres one thing im excellent at doing its making shit so needlessly complex for myself. i have fun additives that arent themes, like color theory and farming metaphors. considering that some of my characters are the embodiment of the stages of life, i feel like i should be doing more with that particular thread, or not. im sure more things will slowly come to me in dreams or by way of the imagination stork

thanks for comin on this journey with me. id love to hear your input or impressions or anything! i hope my ramblings arent nigh uninterpretable